Contrary to the last weekend, this weekend was a relaxing and a stress-free one. I didn’t do programming, I didn’t work, I didn’t do anything that I would distress me; nor anything that would piss-me-off occured. Good weekend!

Now you are wondering about the title. Here it goes…

I was listening to George Michael’s ‘Listen without Prejudice’. The chorus goes like this:

And it’s hard to love
There’s so much to hate
Hanging on to hope
When there is no hope to speak of

I realised that it is honestly true. Though I put on a mask and smile and laugh and make others laugh, I have so much of hate within myself. I cannot express whom I am angry at: is it on God, or on the society, or on myself? I don’t know. One thing for sure, there is so much of anger within me. How much ever I calm myself, it gets out its nasty head time to time.

What makes it worse is that I don’t have someone with whom I can be just myself – a silly-billy boy, cracking silly jokes, drinking and dancing. I did have one; but it is a history now. Being careful with everyone and not being yourself is so bloody annoying.

When I was in Chennai, I used to go to this Casuarina groove near Mahabalipuram where there was absolutely no crowd and I could sit there as long as I wanted without being disturbed; enjoying sunsets and moon coming out the sea. Though it is called Garden City, I find there is no quiter place here in Bangalore.

Anyway the point is, I cannot go long like this. Either I would put a gun to my head or end up in a nut house. I don’t know which one I prefer!