Past three days I felt physically terrible. I felt like, I was drugged; I had lost co-ordination; I felt very weak; At times, I threw up.

Evenings went in bed; most of the times closer to blackout. I couldn’t go out and get dinner or even prepare something at room. May be I was hallucinating; but I thought of death quite often. (I thought I was passing…)

When I thought of death, I didn’t have a fear of death at all. Neither did I regret dying. Sure I had my ‘hell’ moments in life; but I had equally ‘good’ times.

I have had failures, disappointments, heart-aches, loneliness, sickness, mental torture, public shame and what not. But at the same time, I have had success, recognition, very good friends and happy times. I have done some social work that I am happy about; contributed to the growth of few.

So in totality, I have already lived my life in full. These thoughts passed by as I hallucinated my final moments and I was pretty much ok to say good-bye to this life. In fact I ‘thought’ (read hallucinated) I should be happy to pass life so happily.

An Indian proverb says, “When you were born, you cried and everyone laughed; Live your life in such a way that when you die it is the other way”. I don’t know if anyone would’ve cried, but if I would’ve passed, you would’ve noticed a smile on my face.

(One funny thing though: As I was lying in bed hallucinating my death, I realized my sister will come to know if I die; but what about LA or KD or AKN or other friends. Who will tell them? When I think about it now, I can only laugh to myself)

P.S: Later I realized that the doc has given a very strong dosage of antibiotic. Guess that caused all the hallucination. For the past two days, I have stopped the dosage and am recovering and getting stronger.