I was certain about everything when I was young(er) – what kind of job I wanted, whom I wanted as friends, what religious beliefs, what kind of person I wanted to spend the rest of my life and so on. I had a plan for every aspect of my life.

Now that I’ve grown and gotten all these worldly experiences, one would assume that my certainty would be certain. Nothing is farther from the truth. I don’t even know if I want bread or meals for dinner. Its not just the simple choices; even big decisions – should I stay in Delhi or move to South; should I migrate to a developed country; should I continue as freelancer or join back in a company; and …should I continue writing all the crap or shut up.

My father’s days were simple. It was either B.Sc or BA; either local school or town school; either Idly or Chappathi; either LIC for insurance or nothing; either lunatic or catholic. And most of the time your family (read dad) made the choice; in the best case you were ‘involved’ in the decision making. I vividly remember how we bought our first TV.

One Friday my dad came home early and called the three of us – mom, sister & I.

‘I think we should buy a TV. Do you know which brand is a good one?’, Dad threw an open question.

My sister was a smart one even from young age. She kept quiet. I jumped in joy & said, BPL. I don’t know why said that brand, but it just fell out of my mouth.

‘Its too expensive. We can’t afford it’, Dad shot down my choice. He then turned to Mom and asked, ‘What do think?’.

She definitely had some early experience. ‘Its your choice’ was all that she said.

‘If its my choice, then why am asking all of you? Tell me your choice’.

‘Videocon’, this is the never-learning-always-stupid me again.

He shot that down as well. I was still not learning – I shouted out ‘Solidaire’, beacuse that was the only other brand available in the market.

‘Good choice’, Dad appreciated me and continued, ‘I have ordered Solidaire TV while coming back from office. We’ll get it tomorrow.

I kept telling everyone that I choose our TV.

Life was so simple and joyful.

It was the same for everything in my life – school, style of haircut, graduation and all. I used to fight with him to let me choose. Then there will be a repeat of something similar to the above. But looking back, I turned out to be just fine, in fact more than fine.

But now I’m a family man. I got to decide and I’m so not ready. There are so many things that can go wrong and they usually go wrong.

I can’t even decide, if I should finish now or continue.

Hmm…why is life so difficult?

I’m typing this on my mobile while in Delhi metro and my station has come. So I got to stop. May be life will force me to decide one way or the other.