I was certain about everything when I was young(er) – what kind of job I wanted, whom I wanted as friends, what religious beliefs, what kind of person I wanted to spend the rest of my life and so on. I had a plan for every aspect of my life.

Now that I’ve grown and gotten all these worldly experiences, one would assume that my certainty would be certain. Nothing is farther from the truth. I don’t even know if I want bread or meals for dinner. Its not just the simple choices; even big decisions – should I stay in Delhi or move to South; should I migrate to a developed country; should I continue as freelancer or join back in a company; and …should I continue writing all the crap or shut up.

My father’s days were simple. It was either B.Sc or BA; either local school or town school; either Idly or Chappathi; either LIC for insurance or nothing; either lunatic or catholic. And most of the time your family (read dad) made the choice; in the best case you were ‘involved’ in the decision making. I vividly remember how we bought our first TV.

One Friday my dad came home early and called the three of us – mom, sister & I.

‘I think we should buy a TV. Do you know which brand is a good one?’, Dad threw an open question.

My sister was a smart one even from young age. She kept quiet. I jumped in joy & said, BPL. I don’t know why said that brand, but it just fell out of my mouth.

‘Its too expensive. We can’t afford it’, Dad shot down my choice. He then turned to Mom and asked, ‘What do think?’.

She definitely had some early experience. ‘Its your choice’ was all that she said.

‘If its my choice, then why am asking all of you? Tell me your choice’.

‘Videocon’, this is the never-learning-always-stupid me again.

He shot that down as well. I was still not learning – I shouted out ‘Solidaire’, beacuse that was the only other brand available in the market.

‘Good choice’, Dad appreciated me and continued, ‘I have ordered Solidaire TV while coming back from office. We’ll get it tomorrow.

I kept telling everyone that I choose our TV.

Life was so simple and joyful.

It was the same for everything in my life – school, style of haircut, graduation and all. I used to fight with him to let me choose. Then there will be a repeat of something similar to the above. But looking back, I turned out to be just fine, in fact more than fine.

But now I’m a family man. I got to decide and I’m so not ready. There are so many things that can go wrong and they usually go wrong.

I can’t even decide, if I should finish now or continue.

Hmm…why is life so difficult?

I’m typing this on my mobile while in Delhi metro and my station has come. So I got to stop. May be life will force me to decide one way or the other.

I contracted wheezing while at 3rd year of college, here at Coimbatore. It was told to me that I’m allergic to a plant called Partheneum. I suffered from from it long enough, for about 8 years, until I left to Belgium. I had no occurance of it while I was in Belgium.

From the day I returned to India, it re-occured. Coincidentally I came across a sidha doctor who had cured it for long. However, when I moved to Bangalore, there it was again.

In Delhi, probably due to cleaner air, I was freed from this pain. But in the recent month, it has shown itself again – may be due to frequent flying or since I’m living only on bread & milk for breakfast & dinner or both.

Its a painful – both physically & emotionally. I wish I get cured sooner.

Am in Coimbatore this weekend. Since I came home (at about 10 am), it has been raining heavily & constantly (am writing this at 5 pm). Apparently it has been raining like this for more than a week and it has caused havoc in the Mettupalayam – Ooty road.

Btw, Piyo is fine. His routine is still drink, pee, drink and sleep. Somewhere inbetween he shits too. The good news is that he is normal.

Its a ‘feeling beyond description’ to hold him (he does fall asleep as I sing; he doesn’t seem to be too much scared).

On one side, I am desperate to bring them to Delhi at the earliest. For one I’m tired of having bread & milk everyday for breakfast as well as for dinner. Another, I want to witness growth of Piyo – day by day. I also find it difficult to fly every other weekend; I’ve to schedule shopping, washing, ironing and all such chores on the weekend that I’m in Delhi.

On the other hand, Rani’s younger brother is getting married on the last week of December. If Rani comes to Delhi, it won’t be possible for me to leave her here and attend the wedding (within 3 months we can’t take the baby back & forth too).

Thus for family reasons, I’ve to adjust for another 2 months. Not a happy one, but I don’t seem to have a choice.

Since Josh’s birth, I find myself flying every other weekend – either to Bangalore or to Coimbatore. This long weekend – due to Guru Nanak bithday on Monday, I’m in Coimbatore.

Josh’s routine is sleep, cry, drink, cry, drink, sleeep and little more sleep. He has grown well – now he weighs 3.2 kgs, and gone darker, looking like his father. Now that is a scary part for me. If he is going to be clone of me, I think I’m going to have hard time bringing him up knowing how mischievous I was.

We’re planning to bring him to Delhi by mid-November. I need to gather details on how to take him there – either via train or flight.

After 10 days of trip to Israel, Egypt & Jordon, parents, sister & BIL are back. Just spoke to them and they are returing to Bangalore – they flew to Chennai. Overall the trip has been a good one. Amma didn’t goto Mt. Sinai, though.

I hope to see them soon and enjoy hearing all the jokes and experiences. Will also request Joy to post some photos.

Just now Joy called me. They are now in Israel. I spoke to all of them and they all are having a good time. They even got adjusted to the food. From the sound of mom & dad, it appears that they are having fun (which is the whole point right?). Even BIL seems to be interested to know the history of the places that they have been visiting and reading a lot about them.

I have sent them my video camera and asked them to video as much as possible. So I believe there is going to be a lot video to see.

Over the weekend, I was in Bangalore for a special reason.

It has been my dad’s dream (I would say a long time dream) to visit the Holy places of Catholic Church – places that Jesus walked as well as apositles & other saints walked, which includes Israel, Jordon, Rome, Padhuva, Lourdh etc. I remember him renewing his passport every time it expired with a hope to visit these places (he came down from that lofty goal to a compromise of just visiting any foreign country). Every dream has its ‘fullness of its time’ to come true. Right? Well, for my dad this is the time.

Today at 6 in the morning, they (dad, mom, Joy, BIL) took the flight to Jordon. I’m sure they are excited; but I’m excited even more. In no way I can repay for their love, yet I could try with such small gestures of sponsoring their trip to their dreamland.

I have seen my dad grin with satisfaction twice before – when I got my Hyundai car and asked him to sit in the front seat; and the next time, when I drove the car for 9 hours to Tuticorin and parked it at our house. But I can imagine a much larger smile as he places his steps in the Holy soil.

Its a pity that I can’t be there with them to enjoy. I could’ve gone with them, but my heart somehow didn’t let me do it leaving Rani & Piyo alone here. Then there was a possibility of postponding this trip. But all things came together and I’m not sure there will be another chance in the recent future.

I couldn’t find a tour that does both European & Asian holy places. Probably I’ll find one and all of us will visit as a family, sometime in the future.

After a week’s medication, mouth ulcer is under control.

It had been a tough week though. Glad its over.

The mouth ulcer is so bad – its blisters all over the tongue. I’m not able to eat or drink anything, not able to speak and it pains. Man, didn’t know tongue can hurt so badly. Even after medication I don’t see it going down.

Its no good when I’ve just returned from being with a family to a distant city.