This trip will be a turning point in my life?

What started out as a busy and a sick week, went ahead as much more busy week. I wasn’t sick of vomiting or anything else but I was both mentally and physically exhausted since Monday. I felt lonely almost all through the day and in the evenings. It took a lot of mental fortitude keep smiling and get going!

I have to still do some work in the weekend. But hopefully I will be refreshed for the next week.

I started the day pretty well. I had continental buffet breakfast in the near-by ‘Mark Boulevard’ restaurant. That was a change from the routine; but I enjoyed it.

By the time I got back to work, two more meetings were added to the already crowded schedule. One meeting after another and when I felt hungry it was 1.45! I did have a quick lunch and started next series of meetings. We made real good progress on both the projects. The day was going well.

I was having the last meeting – it was already 6.30 p.m. – in an air conditioned conference room and I started sweating badly. I felt weak and hungry too. So I headed to the cafeteria and had a sandwich. But still I felt uncomfortable. By 7.30 p.m., I started home.

I reached home and immediately got to the bathroom and started vomiting. I really don’t know what the hell is going on. Then I lied, without even removing the shoes, on the bed for really long time.

I am going through a tough situation. A strange one. A dilemma. Official and personal life are on the two extremes.

I’m feeling little better now. Hope I can have a good night sleep.

It is 3h30 in the morning and I am awake with wheezing. I had wheezing throughout Saturday.

It has been weeks since I did any exercise. Wheezing weakens the nerves and I feel like zombie and I don’t do any thing that I want to do – like driving to a farm house or to that classic dance school, which I’ve been planning for couple of weeks.

I feel weak, tired and lonely.

And a lot angry. I’m angry with lots. But primarily with my parents.

Why don’t parents be happy about what I’m happy about? Why should they keep fixating on what they think its best? And don’t even get me started with the complaints:

‘Aiyo! He is loosing weight!’
‘He is not eating properly’

Why don’t they be happy that I am happy loosing weight?
Why don’t they be happy that I am happy that I am eating healthy and feeling great?

Now I’m not exercising, not loosing weight, eating crappy. Like always, they are happy. I am sad, depressed, angry and weak.

I hate them as much as I love them.

This week has been rather tough and busy. Every day there was one issue or the other. And many meetings, though most of them were productive.

I am completely drained and need some good rest.

They planned it for quite a while. In fact I remember BIL discussing with me two years back during Christmas holidays.

On Wednesday, BIL took baptism in Catholic Church with a Christian name of Benedict (the name of the current Pope). Primary purpose is to avoid confusion about the religion of the kid(s) on the way! (If you already didn’t know it is a inter-religious marriage).

They also ratified their marriage – they got married in a register office, not in a church.

It was a family event and an important one for parents and sister – I really don’t care, these are just symbols.

As I anticipated the weekend was good. Better than most of the weekends. Though I had plans for driving around, I didn’t do it.

But I spent quality time with my family. A lot of it. I teased my mother, danced with her, took family for shopping, went for a walk in a park, and watched two old Tamil movies – ‘Agni Natchathrim’ and ‘Mouna Raagam’. Fantastic times.

But as I was winding down, a scary feeling got inside – that I am going to loose these. That is not a happy feeling. I am under a lot of alcohol as I write this; hey I am just trying to get rid of that feeling.

But I can’t.

I am listening to Kenny G.

I might even shed few tears in the late night.