Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button ‘start’ but there is no ‘stop’ button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘run’ he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to ‘sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘ find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘MY Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only..

9. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?

10. You provide ‘My Network Places’. For God shake please do not provide ‘My Secret Places’. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, “Pass the wine you divine”.
Sardar thinks “how poetic”
Sardar says, “pass the custard you bastard”.

Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says “Johny Walker single”
Man on his left says “Peter Scotch single”
Sardar says – “Baljith Singh Married”

Boss : Am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k…….but? ? how much is DRIVING salary…?

A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time. – Alfred E. Wiggam

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. – Woody Allen

We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. – Nick Faldo

There are two kinds of light–the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. – James Thurber

The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them. – Albert Einstein

In heaven all the interesting people are missing. – Friedrich Nietzsche

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. – Bertrand Russell

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. – Mark Twain

Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places. – E. Joseph Crossman

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. – John Barrymore

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. – Baltasar Gracian

Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first. – Peter Ustinov

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience. – Shelley Winters

The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way. – Bertrand Russell

I was googling with regards to dashboard designs (the project that I’m working on) and came across this site, which talks about localization, internationalization and so on. Not only the site talks about technical stuff, it lists so many funny incidents/signs related to global culture. Here are few that I liked. Visit the site and have fun:

Hotel Signs
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. (wow, is there a specific time?)

In a Bangkok dry cleaner’s: Drop your trousers here for best results. (shouldn’t they be?)

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. (I know church extracts money out of wallets; never knew they do this too…)

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. (Probably they should go to Bangkok)

In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. (I definetly know few ladies to be sent there)

Odd Signs
Outside a photographer’s studio: Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also. (hmm…I’m going to put that on the door)

On a maternity room door: PUSH. PUSH. PUSH. (not this on my door…)

On a fence: Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!

Real Ads
NICE PARACHUTE NEVER OPENED – USED ONCE (where is that guy now…)

and best for the last

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything

• Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
• My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.
• I’ll lean on you and you lean on me and we’ll be okay.
• Go slowly to the entertainments of thy friends, but quickly to their misfortunes.
• A friend is the person who knows all about you and still loves you.
• The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.
• Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

• When you don’t have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it’s sex. When you have both it’s health (I couldn’t agree more)
• I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.
• An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. (I dont’ want to be an intellectual…never)
• Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
• My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. (I have not even been to Statue of Liberty)
• Sex with love is the greatest thing in life. But sex without love
  

All ATM’s in Punjab were jammed and not working. Because Sardarji’s wife put hairpin in machine when it said “Enter your PIN…..”

The phone rings. The lady of the house answers, “Yes? ”

Mrs. Ward, please.

“Speaking”

“Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband’s samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband’s. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible.”

“What do you mean?” Mrs. Ward asks.

“Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
“Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”.

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years….”