One fat guy – goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone’s weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He’s standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and Out steps a beautiful girl, with a sign saying “If you catch me, I’m yours.”

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.Before he knows it, he’s running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there. And just as he’s about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door. In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him. Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He’s back on the street and starts to think. “Jesus, I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time…” So he races back to the gym and says, “I want to lose 20 more kg.”

“No problem,” says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he’s standing by the doorwhen it opens.

Out comes a Gorilla with a sign.
“If I catch you, you’re mine.”

A couple visited Israel and wife passed away while touring the country. Husband was told that if wife is buried in Israel then it will cost only $150 but if to be taken to home town, it would cost $10000.

Husband choose to fly back home. When he was asked does he love his wife so much, he replied: ‘Some centuries back, they buried someone here; He came back to life after 3 days; I don’t want to take a risk!’

Every girlfriend I’ve had
Wants me to change something…
Change your job
Change you friends
Change your attitude
The only thing I change is girlfriends!

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, intelligent, caring, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But unfortunately the law allows only one wife.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

One woman’s hobby is another woman’s hubby.

It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.

If you can’t get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Marriage is like a cage; those outside are desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher… and that is a good thing for any man.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence – A Life Sentence!!

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy

Marriage is Love, Love is blind, therefore, marriage is an institution for the Blind

“The great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”
– Victor Hugo

“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”
– Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin, “Personal Conduct”

Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, genitals, current account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends.

Sometimes on the way to what’s supposed to happen, something even better happens.

Every society honors its live conformists and its dead troublemakers. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

Last night I was hunting elephants in my pyjamas…how they got in my pyjamas I’ll never know. ~ Groucho Marx

With friend’s circle enlarging, I get quite good amount of SMS now-a-days. Most of them are cute and sweet and bring a smile. There are morning wishes, sweet dreams wishes and some of them are plain jokes and few are naughty. Sample of these messages are below:

• Here is freshly brewed coffee especially made 4 u. Sorry there is no sugar, but the sender is sweet. Good morning.
• Close ur eyes. Save all the sweet memories in ur heart. Think of all the beautiful things in ur life.. & surrender urself to sweet dreams. Good night
• Take a basket of roses and make a garland. Now, take the garland in your hands & look at the mirror. What will you see? “Korangu kayila poo maala”….
  (loosely translated into English: garland in the hands of a monkey)
• Look at the world around u, u see god’s creativity…Look at me, u see god’s master piece.. Look at the mirror, u see god’s sense of humor!!!
• Boy stares at a girl T-shirt which had an aero plane drawn. Girl: Have u never seen a aero plane? Boy: I hv seen aero plane, but I’ve never seen such an airport.

I got this URL from another blog. An Israeli scientist had developed an algorithm which analyses one’s writing to find out the gender. I pasted few of my blogs and hurray! it prints out the amazing result: You are a Male. I never doubted the fact, but, to tell you the truth, I was bit anxious of the result. Hey! pretty girl, shall we go dating?
You can try the analysis at: http://www.bookblog.net/gender/genie.html