4 years of blogging
Here is my first post.
I’ve been posting for 4 years. When I started, I didn’t expect that it will go on for these many years. It has been a good vent for me and also to share my life with my close friends. Let me see how many more days/years that this goes on.
If time permits, let me know what you think of this blog. Either leave in the comment or send me a mail.
I know LA reads almost daily. My sister, KD & AKN reads often. There is someone reads regularly from Chennai. I don’t know who it is. Can you please reveal yourself? Is there anyone else who reads this blog?
I’m back
I drove 1400 kms in 5 days! In India! It was a fantastic experience.
We took about 10.5 hrs to reach Tuticorin on Saturday. The proud smile that Dad had when I parked the car in the house made me forget all the tiredness.
Next day (Sunday) we went to the church festivity. And in the evening we went to the beach.
Monday was a tiring one. We visited a lot of churches. But the amazing thing was my mother meeting an old friend of hers – she met her after about 30 years.
Tuesday I drove to my native. The feeling that I got by parking the car in front of our house (which was a hut when I was born) was inexplicable. Fantastic! Then I visited the grave of my younger brother. It is always an emotional moment for me. Though I may not show it outside, that moment always moves me.
Then we drove to Uvari, where we had organized a charity lunch in the church. It was also a good experience. On the way back we stopped at Manappad, where we spent considerable time in the beach. We had the beach all for ourselves. We played on the beach.
Today we started again at 5 in the morning. I drove for almost 12 hours.
I feel tired. But emotionally feel great.
A turning point?
This trip will be a turning point in my life?
So what is happening?
I know some of you have questioned, what the hell is going on? (at least LA & Jai). Well, first I fell sick. And another I’ve become pretty busy. In fact busier than I thought. At office, I am into multiple projects:
- CRM – this how I came into this firm
- Finance – new in the plate. It comes with its own problems and process issues. I’m spending time understanding the processes and the product
- DSS – a dashboard for the chief officer. My new boss wants me to get involved as I’ve become ‘dashboard expert’
- Six Sigma Projects – I am a mentor for 2 of the Green Belt projects, which bring in improvement to our department
In addition to these, I’m also reviewing articles that get submitted from our department for the organizational knowledge management repository
As you can see, currently there is more in my plate than I have time for. But this is helping me in one way – I have full concentration on work and my mind doesn’t wander. However, I do feel I’m alienated.
At home too, I’ve been keeping myself busy.
I’ve installed Linux (Ubuntu) and configured most of the tools that I need – chat client, Python, Eclipse and so on.
I’m going to drive home (yes you read it right) this weekend. It is going to be a long 12 hrs drive. This is the first time I am going to drive for such a long time. Let me see how it goes.
Finally into weekend
What started out as a busy and a sick week, went ahead as much more busy week. I wasn’t sick of vomiting or anything else but I was both mentally and physically exhausted since Monday. I felt lonely almost all through the day and in the evenings. It took a lot of mental fortitude keep smiling and get going!
I have to still do some work in the weekend. But hopefully I will be refreshed for the next week.
Good start, bad ending
I started the day pretty well. I had continental buffet breakfast in the near-by ‘Mark Boulevard’ restaurant. That was a change from the routine; but I enjoyed it.
By the time I got back to work, two more meetings were added to the already crowded schedule. One meeting after another and when I felt hungry it was 1.45! I did have a quick lunch and started next series of meetings. We made real good progress on both the projects. The day was going well.
I was having the last meeting – it was already 6.30 p.m. – in an air conditioned conference room and I started sweating badly. I felt weak and hungry too. So I headed to the cafeteria and had a sandwich. But still I felt uncomfortable. By 7.30 p.m., I started home.
I reached home and immediately got to the bathroom and started vomiting. I really don’t know what the hell is going on. Then I lied, without even removing the shoes, on the bed for really long time.
I am going through a tough situation. A strange one. A dilemma. Official and personal life are on the two extremes.
I’m feeling little better now. Hope I can have a good night sleep.
Work day
My workday starts with a cup of coffee.Then it is all meetings, calls, reading heaps of documents and many status reviews. Though I’m no micro-manager, I need to be aware of ‘what-is-happening’ in various projects. So I go through the pain of not only conceiving plans but following through each and every plan to its completion. It isn’t easy; but that is the only way I’ve known to take me through success.I do take a break by about 6 in the evening. I take a cup of coffee and walk around the beautiful campus. That relaxes my mind, though most of the time, threads of work run through my mind!As I get into an aggressive and assertive working, I am getting into my ‘old world’ of being a loner and isolating myself. I’ve enjoyed being with people for the past couple of years; but may be I’m too sensitive for people. With recent hurts, I find it difficult to be social. With work, I put myself without any emotions, since I consider it as a ‘thankless job’. I still move with people, since I need to get the ‘job’ done; but now it is without any attachment.(As I write, I am reviewing test cases that need to be presented for one of major releases for CFO)
I’m extremely angry
It is 3h30 in the morning and I am awake with wheezing. I had wheezing throughout Saturday.
It has been weeks since I did any exercise. Wheezing weakens the nerves and I feel like zombie and I don’t do any thing that I want to do – like driving to a farm house or to that classic dance school, which I’ve been planning for couple of weeks.
I feel weak, tired and lonely.
And a lot angry. I’m angry with lots. But primarily with my parents.
Why don’t parents be happy about what I’m happy about? Why should they keep fixating on what they think its best? And don’t even get me started with the complaints:
‘Aiyo! He is loosing weight!’
‘He is not eating properly’
Why don’t they be happy that I am happy loosing weight?
Why don’t they be happy that I am happy that I am eating healthy and feeling great?
Now I’m not exercising, not loosing weight, eating crappy. Like always, they are happy. I am sad, depressed, angry and weak.
I hate them as much as I love them.
Waiting for the weekend
This week has been rather tough and busy. Every day there was one issue or the other. And many meetings, though most of them were productive.
I am completely drained and need some good rest.